Normalize Saying No in the Workplace

I have always known that I can be intense. Despite my seeming lack of conscientiousness in law school, I have been able to channel that intensity into work. 

I am currently employed, whilst freelancing and practicing litigation law.

I'm trying to take things as slowly as possible, familiarizing myself with correct protocols/processes until it becomes rote. But it seems that I have been rocking the boat because I keep saying no.

Filipinos value unity. 

Pakikisama, we call it. But there's a thin line between unity and blind conformity. We should start normalizing saying no when:

1. we have to invest time after work hours. 

 We have obligations to attend to after work. Whether it's a well-deserved rest or a date night with your spouse, these are things that are personal to you. Healthy company cultures should understand that their employees have lives to live, hence the term work-life balance.

2. having to eat lunch, siesta or even dinners with the team. No, you don't have to give people an explanation.

It's perfectly normal to want to dine alone. 

You shouldn't have to be forced to dine with others, especially if they indulge in office gossip, at the table during their chosen time of eating. You're spent from work, and the most you could ask for is a few minutes free of office politics and corporate ass-kissing. 

If you have been sitting across from your co-workers for nearly eight hours, it's perfectly understandable to want the company of others outside your team. 

Maybe a drinking session with the team will do, but you might prefer to sleep soundly the next couple of days. Or you might not want to grow a beer belly during your tenure at the company. 

Lately, intermittent fasting has been growing popular too. I've been doing it for over two years now and I have every intention of keeping this habit. So would others!

3. choosing who to mingle with at the office.

There are some people who will, as they put it, bring out the best in you. They may compound the same character traits, tics or habits you already have.

So feel free to flock to the birds who have the same feather as you. You might be drawn to them for having the same strengths or purpose in the company.

Otherwise, you might passively grow the same feathers as everyone in the company has. 

You might pick up your boss' toxic character traits, like shouting at employees, micro-managing; or even suffer from a lack of self-esteem due to snide, passive-aggressive comments directed at you.

Conversely, you could acquire soft skills like effective communication that could help you long-term in your career. Nowadays, soft skills can help leverage your career portfolio. 

At the end of the day, nobody should have to make you feel bad about your life decisions. 

Saying no has more to do with personal reasons than with other people and their emotions. Stay true to your course, purpose, and passion!